The 28 Women of the Bachelor, Ranked

Bachelor Ben

It’s that time of year again. The smell of long stemmed roses and desperation is in the air.  That’s right, The Bachelor is back on Monday. And there are 28 lovely ladies hoping to win Ben’s heart.

Here’s my completely unscientific, preseason ranking of these 28 women, based solely on their answers to stock questions and my knowledge of Ben from Kaitlyn’s season. I can’t wait until these women step out of their limos and unleash the crazy.

1.) Lauren B. – A 25-year-old flight attendant, she’s obviously adventurous, and would probably love accompanying Ben on his outdoor adventures—she’ll be in it for the long run. Plus, she loves mimosas and consequently is my top pick of contestants I’d like to have brunch with. She also mentioned wearing her heart on her sleeve, which will be good for Ben who, as well all know, is pretty insecure sometimes; her outward expressions of emotion should reassure him.

2.) Caila – She’s also in software sales. I can’t wait for the software sales inside jokes that I won’t understand but will laugh at anyway. She’s studied abroad, loves other cultures, is the first one to imply she doesn’t live in a bikini, and likes to “be present”. She’s in it.

3.) Olivia – A News Anchor, she says she’d be Katniss if she could be any fictional character (not sure about the threat of death implied with that choice), and she loves fries. Her profile was pretty boring but sometimes that bodes well for Bachelor contestants. I think Ben will like her.

4.) Laura – I’m putting Laura toward the top because I like her. She says her favorite movie is Remember the Titans. That’s also one of my favorite movies, Laura. She seems so sweet, I hope she’s not too shy because that never reads well. Hopefully she can get some face time with Ben, otherwise she might be early to go home.

5.) Jami – She’s cute and appears to actually read books—she’ll make it through. She says her favorite book is Arther Miller’s The Crucible which she does mention is actually a play. Interesting choice, but many of the other women answered that question with “I don’t really read” so I’m liking Jami.

6.) Jackie – Jackie has been paragliding in the Alps and listed the Bible as something she couldn’t live without. Adventure and the Bible are two of Ben’s favorite things. That being said, this was another boring profile.

7.) Lauren H. – Another Lauren. There are four, plus Laura. This one’s a kindergarten teacher which is sweet. But she’s also a wedding Pinterest-er so, you never know.

8.) Amanda – Hiked a waterfall in Hawaii during a thunderstorm (the Producers must have asked them to highlight their adventurous side) and says her favorite book is Pride and Prejudice. I don’t know why, but I have my doubts about that. She’s cute and fun, and she has two daughters which is great, but sometimes doesn’t bode so well on the show.

9.) Lauren/”LB” – This Lauren has a clever nickname that will help us differentiate her from the other Laurens on the show, but not from Lauren “LC” Conrad. Especially since LB is a fashion buyer. She was the third girl to say that given the choice of being any animal, she’d be a dolphin. These girls like bikinis and dolphins. But she’s been to Nepal, is extremely pretty, and will most likely make it through.

10.) Mandi – Our Portland girl! That’s why she made the top 10. She says her exes would say she drinks too much and is too opinionated, so she might not be Ben’s cup of tea. But hey, let’s grab a drink when you get back home! Also, she answered the animal question with chicken, so she should watch her back for Tiara, the chicken enthusiast who will also be appearing this season.

There are 10 more women, but they are all so similar it’s impossible for me to make a call. So I’ll tell you that also appearing on this season are: Amber (teddy bear girl), Becca, Breanne, Emily, Haley, Isabell/”Izzy”, Jennifer, Jessica, Joelle/”JoJo”, Jubilee, Lace, Lauren R, Leah, Maegan, Rachel, Samantha, Shushanna, and Tiara (the aforementioned chicken enthusiast). A couple of these ladies had some gems on their profile surveys…

Breanne and Jessica both said they prefer men to pursue them, begging the question: Do they know which show they signed up for?

Emily and Haley are twins. Not sure if they are some kind of package deal or what, promotional footage shows them getting out of the limo together. Haley listed a spray tan as one of the five things she couldn’t live without.

This is a direct quote from Izzy, “I don’t love to read, but I did enjoy the first 150 pages of 50 Shades of Grey. Then I just saw the movie.”

So all together, this looks like it’s going to be an interesting season. I love Ben. I hope Ben finds love. And I’ll be live-tweeting all episodes of The Bachelor on my personal account, @elleuecker so I hope you join me for the insanity!