I’m so tired is the only thing I’m capable of thinking as I sit in a hotel room tonight. I’m on a work trip, it’s midnight, and I’ve been up since 5 am trying to find a balance between what I have to do to pay the rent and what I have to do to stay sane. I’m guessing you understand what I mean.
It’s been awhile since I’ve logged on, and for that I’m sorry. I should have explained. I should have told you I’d be gone. I know you understand there are things in life that can’t be planned for, no matter how organized you consider yourself. This was one of those for me.
Without going into too much detail, what I was really struggling with was balance. There were a lot of different things pulling me in different directions and I hadn’t set up a safety net for myself that could catch the things that got stuck in the middle.
I love this blog. I want to bring you fresh, timely content every week. That is what I strive for. But the truth is that I hit a roadblock. I started a new day job and tried to balance that against my blogging commitments. It hit me so hard that the things I once found joy in began stressing me out to the point that I couldn’t bring myself to do them. I couldn’t finish a single book. I withdrew from my peer group because I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed I couldn’t hold it all together.
What I really needed was a break, some distance. In that space I had time to miss reading. To miss the book community. To understand that I loved it not because I had to show up everyday and assert myself, but because I could show up everyday just as I am, loving the things I love, and be accepted. I miss sharing my opinion, and most importantly, I miss your feedback. I miss fighting with you all over the merits of certain books and the shortcomings of others. The understanding that comes with a community of people sharing the same interests.
So here I am, trying again. Returning to my favorite outlet and hoping you’re still out there listening. It may look a little different than it did last time, I’m still not sure. There might be a little more personal mixed in with the books. I’ll probably be reading and watching at a slower pace and covering less ground. But in doing so, I’m hoping to bring content that’s more honest and reflective of what trying to find balance is like. I’m hoping you’ll stick with me.